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I wish I could figure out how my brain works, because then I feel like all my problems would be solved.
Okay, maybe not.
Too often I feel like a zombie? Wherein I just shuffle around doing whatever I need to do to keep shuffling around. So I stave off boredom with internet spelunks, and video games, and crafts and hobbies. And that's all fine and dandy, but what if I did things that were actually important?? Though there's the argument that if I want to do it, it is important to me, but then what that says to me is that I don't write because it isn't important to me. When it is. It's just... hard.
I suppose it might be an executive function thing, I don't know. I don't have ADHD or anything (or at least, I haven't been tested for it), but those executive dysfunction posts that go around tumblr (which I see a lot of because my sister has ADHD and reblogs them because she relates) kind of speak to me sometimes. I am horrible when it comes to starting things. And then I get through them easily and it's like, what was so hard about that? But the starting of anything, that's just.... gah. Not fun.
So I just sit here and do things that are easy instead of the things that are hard but rewarding. I don't know what's wrong with me. :\
ANYWAY
I have been on a slight upswing lately. I wrote some actual fiction on Tuesday. (On the PacRim/TRON crossover.) I started a new book. I survived a few days on my own while my parents went to a family friend's graduation. My favorite college roommate visited yesterday and we had a good time hanging out.
I've been put on a new medication to see if that helps with my depression and my tiredness all the time. All it seems to be doing at the moment is making me really, REALLY hyped up and shaky after I take it, but hopefully that'll even out when I get to the larger dose. I hope it works. I want something that works. I would like to stop cycling through depression every other month, if that's all right with the universe.
At any rate, I should probably go write something. Or do something other than all the things I do when I'm bored.
Okay, maybe not.
Too often I feel like a zombie? Wherein I just shuffle around doing whatever I need to do to keep shuffling around. So I stave off boredom with internet spelunks, and video games, and crafts and hobbies. And that's all fine and dandy, but what if I did things that were actually important?? Though there's the argument that if I want to do it, it is important to me, but then what that says to me is that I don't write because it isn't important to me. When it is. It's just... hard.
I suppose it might be an executive function thing, I don't know. I don't have ADHD or anything (or at least, I haven't been tested for it), but those executive dysfunction posts that go around tumblr (which I see a lot of because my sister has ADHD and reblogs them because she relates) kind of speak to me sometimes. I am horrible when it comes to starting things. And then I get through them easily and it's like, what was so hard about that? But the starting of anything, that's just.... gah. Not fun.
So I just sit here and do things that are easy instead of the things that are hard but rewarding. I don't know what's wrong with me. :\
ANYWAY
I have been on a slight upswing lately. I wrote some actual fiction on Tuesday. (On the PacRim/TRON crossover.) I started a new book. I survived a few days on my own while my parents went to a family friend's graduation. My favorite college roommate visited yesterday and we had a good time hanging out.
I've been put on a new medication to see if that helps with my depression and my tiredness all the time. All it seems to be doing at the moment is making me really, REALLY hyped up and shaky after I take it, but hopefully that'll even out when I get to the larger dose. I hope it works. I want something that works. I would like to stop cycling through depression every other month, if that's all right with the universe.
At any rate, I should probably go write something. Or do something other than all the things I do when I'm bored.
